Ask the Right Question
Communication is important to success of every relationship or marriage. The bedrock of any effective communication is the question you ask.
Tunji and Rebecca have been married for five years. They have three children who keep them busy and exhausted most of the time. Their communication use to be regular and positive, but the demands of career, parenting and church life have left them without time to think, much less talk.
Rebecca notice her husband is always on his phone. She wonders who/what it is that is getting his attention. She has not mentioned this to him, but she has been taking mental notes of the time he has been present. She hopes it is work, fear it’s someone else, and suspect he has lost interest in her.
Rebecca decides it is time to find out what is going on. Instead of asking him the question on her mind she begins:
“Sweet, how is work going? Has it been busy?”
When he answers that everything is fine at work, she becomes even more fearful, which leads to the next question.
“You must have lots of emails needing your attention then”?
When he responded that he has not been looking at his emails, her fears turns towards anger. If only Rebecca had ask Tunji the question behind her question i.e. the right question.
“Tunji, can I ask you why you spending time on your phone rather than spend time with me.”
Do you do this? It may not be the same situation but it may occur more than you realize.
We often use question behind question to discover the answer to our real question. Why do we do that, it could be:
We have determined their guilt and want them to admit it.
Suspicion, which will do no good to your relationship or marriage.
Fear of being to direct in our communication.
Fear of the answer.
Let us purpose to stop this practice. We can do so by asking the lord to help us see the ways this happen in our relationship or marriage.
Change requires that we slow down when we see an approaching conflict to ask the right question. Ask yourself, what is it I want to know? Then ask that question.
Asking the right question is the key to effective communication.
U are the Best. Just believe!
